Burnin’ down the house…

When the smoke cleared, I panicked. The air bit like a rabid mongrel. And as I glanced back toward the house, I thought of the coat I left inside. Twenty degrees- and no coat.

That was then. One learns from these things…which is a good thing… for next time. Today was “next time.”

“Next time” came following the purchase of (1) a new Lodge iron skillet, fully coated for your convenience and (2) a package of an asian chicken stir fry- unfortunately pre-frozen. I say “unfortunately” because it took a light year to “unthaw” and “thoroughly cook” said frozen chicken item. Unfortunately, thawing is the process following burning. The result is a composite goo resembling an experiment from DuPont Chemical…which is not a good thing. Said process also involves sirens, fire trucks, men in heavy rubber-looking outfits…if one does not rescue said experiment from burning stove. I managed to avoid this last step by…tossing the pan skyward while praying for a soft landing. I dare say the couch suffered less abuse than the pan.

When all things dissipated- including my appetite, I scoured the area with “natural” chemicals from a Method cleaner bottle, opened all doorways/windows I could, and waited to see if any embarrassed neighbors passed by…

But no one stopped. Could it be that they expect such cooking from a bachelor?