Tummy Trouble


When you’re four years old, an upset tummy can make the world feel like an out-of-control merry-go-round. But when you’re in your forties, a troublesome bloated tummy can make you feel like you swallowed a small elephant…

So, I sit here waiting for it to subside, and wonder what caused this dispepsive state. Was it breakfast, served hot and fresh, according to the lighted menu board…or, was it the dripping olive oil on my hummus-laden pita? Or, was it really a tapeworm the size of Miami? After watching House (Doctor House MD) for several years, the latter is always a possibly now…

And if it is a tapeworm, does it have a personality? Is it religious? Does it prefer fatty acids or trans fat particles? More importantly, does it have a girlfriend? Or is it a girlfriend? Could it be just one in a plague of streaming tapeworms cascading through the recreational rides of my colon? God help me, maybe I have a whole colony down there. Maybe they’re having a particulate party…maybe I should go to bed…maybe I should write my will and consider a lawyer. After all, if I do have a tapeworm invasion, it’s only a matter of…and what if they have a well-funded building program?

Should I try a celery-scented colon cleanse? A blueberry enema? A fixed probiotic diet? Should I become a fruititarian? Travel to Tibet to see the Dolly Llama? Or, should I just call the squad?

Maybe, just maybe, I should cleanse myself of medical mystery shows…and go out and go for a walk. I believe that will be just the ticket.

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About thelostkerryman

Thelostkerryman is an author, and entrepreneur- this side of Tir Na N'Og- living in the forests of a consistently confused country. Here in this hill country, hurling doesn't usually involve a hurley, store-made soda bread resembles an inedible Irish megalith, and Kerrygold is only found hidden like a luck penny in the belly of Kroger. His blogs are an account of his adventures, thoughts, eclectic -and eccentric- ramblings, random or insightful poetry, humor and non-humor, pictures (photos), video, essays, fiction, poetic fiction, nonfiction, drama, and writing he has not classified in the description above. All of his posts from thelostkerryman.wordpress.com, talesinastrangerstrangerland@wordpress.com, everydayasadisciple@wordpress.com, and mrandmrsboring.wordpress.com are copywrited according to international copywrite law.
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