Obligatory greetings

Having dined on a fresh pile of pleasant-smelling greens and herbs, I am settling down for a cool, introspective night, in solitude and silence. Outside, the just predicted snowstorm has disappeared, hiding from our weatherman and weathergirl (or weatherwoman, not to be confused with “wonder woman” or “wonder bra,” or…”wonder if the winter wonderland will return to West Virginia”). “We” were supposed to have a snow-dump appear from nowhere, destroying my plans to join old friends for a four hour extravaganza, concluding with a middle-of-the-night breakfast feast. But not this year.

No, this year promises to be different. And so I shall wish all of you a Happy New Year, even those celebrating different calendars throughout the global village (Remember- “it takes a calendar”). I know it is a radical idea for those of us who grew up watching the ball drop in Times Square on the blab tube, but I do realize that a number of my viewing public is not celebrating a new year tonight. It is for them that I must say “Happy New Turning of the Night into Day” or “Happy End of the New Moon Phase in your Quadrant” or even “Happy Existentially Important Section of The Next Season of Your Time Reckoning.” I would be amiss if I did not point out that under certain circumstances and in certain traditions abroad, this night might be dedicated to “spirit beings” who do not follow any calendar and who may not be ready to celebrate the next obligatory holiday, let alone a New Year. Suffice to say, I will also not be sending New Years greetings to anyone with more than two voices in their heads. After all, I have to draw the line somewhere…

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