How do I love thee? Let me count the glaze

We face a growing problem in The West. An increasingly disturbing range of bulging behemoths spend reckless days before computerized game devices, munching on the joys of high fructose corn syrup, powdered sugar, and genetically modified substances.

Even the United States Military is awash in an epidemic of mastodon-sized munchkins trying to get inside the lean, mean, fighting machine. If recruiters are having trouble finding fit individuals among the epidemic of rotundity, the nation that once thought of itself as “the leaders of the free world,” might just become the leaders of the largest obesity bloc in the world.

Recently, a publication insisted that recent data from reliable sources, claims that Mexico is now the mas grande gordo nation on earth. I’m a bit skeptical about that, but if true, it would prove that exports from the United States do have some effect on the wonderful people of Mexico. Alas, it must also mean that the donut invasion of Mexico is complete, with remarkable success.

I have personally experienced the wonders of overindulgence in the powdery realm (There is nothing like working in a donut factory and getting to take all-you-can-carry bags of day old donuts home for the freezer, and the rest of the growing clann). So, in remembrance of those days, and in honor of the mastodonian growth of our local populace, I have penned a most wonderfully bad bit of poetry for the occasion.

O, how do I love thee?

Let me count the glaze…

waft so gently, waft so softly

O, waft, stuffed filled

with creme,

through the air, through the store

with a grand passion supreme-

O Donut, Sweet Donut,

For thee, I do declare

I owe you my happiness

for the dark chocolate eclair.

In your wax paper bags

In your cardboard boxes galore

you tempt me so tenderly

like waves crashing on the shore

let me drown’d in your aroma

let me dance on floured floor

O Donut, Sweet Donut,

Tis only you I adore.

9 responses to “How do I love thee? Let me count the glaze”

  1. I thought of a little sonata for the Reece’s Peanut Butter cups I was eating a few hours ago. So…in…love…with chocolate. Great poem by the way sir!

  2. I think this eclipses my “Ode to the Commode”. Totally loved it, made me giggle. I can hear a ditty in my head…..Dasterdly donuts. Now I want one…a blueberry or chocolate LongJohn, please. I will even eat it one day old. Ok, two days old. Microwaves can soften anything 🙂

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