Amarillo Tuesday

In a new twist to substantially increase Post-Thanksgiving Celebration Shopping Events, a group of the 30 largest US retailers have announced the kick-off of “Amarillo Tuesday.” The event, which will coordinate retailer savings with participation in Mexican restaurant promotions, will go national at 4:30PM EST Tuesday.

Richard Los Lobos, a spokesman for the group “The Society for the Promotion of Mexican-American Cuisine” stated that many chain and local restaurants will participate.

“Every retailer displaying an Amarillo Tag Sale Event (or a picture of a Large Yellow Tortilla Chip) will offer a paired dining experience with a locally-owned or chain restaurant selling Mexican food. Shoppers will need only follow posted rules in each store,” Los Lobos said.

When asked if he thought there might be confusion with the retailer’s rules, Los Lobos stated, “We don’t anticipate that. After all, these are Americans, and by and large, they’re a pretty smart group- most of the time.”

But not everyone is so confident. Dale Weinbrenner, a spokesman for The Walnut Grove Retail Association in Walnut Grove, believes US shoppers will be utterly confused.

“In my neck of the woods nobody knows what the (heck) Ammarilla is. If they go shopping, huntin’ for it, who is gonna know where to put it so you can find it? It ain’t like going to ask for a Big Mac or somethin’,” Weinbrenner admitted.

Weinbrenner isn’t alone. A number of retailers in neighboring cities have dropped out of the event, claiming it is racist.

“This here is America. If ya can’t put it in English, ya ought to be deported,” Allie Huck, owner of Nascar Collectibles, argues. “It ain’t right to have these Mexicans comin’ up here and makin’ us eat their food.”

Huck believes retailers should extend the special shopping deals to Saturday, the day after Black Friday, and offer “American” products that day at a 10% discount to all legal citizens. She would call it the “White Trash Weekend Sale.”

“Just bring your birth certificate in, and we’ll give you a 10% discount on anything in the store- even the Richard Petty Collectible Dog Dishes.” Huck announced. “I’ll be doin’ that every Saturday after Thanksgiving for any God-gifted American.”

And she is not alone. Down the road from her, Bob Barnes, manager of the “Get and Gas.” states he will offer a 15% discount to all shoppers wearing a Duck Dynasty Shirt. “It’s American, that’s it,” he stated, when asked why he was joining Huck next year in the White Trash Weekend Spectacular. “Gotta make money some way.”

Barnes, along with Huck and their supporters are already planning an advertising blitz for the event, slated for “Thanksgiving Saturday” next year in the USA. They have enlisted ZZ Top to do a “White Trash Weekend” advertising campaign in 27 cities and towns across the South and Midwest.

“I’m sure we’ll take down that Tuesday thing,” Barnes said, when asked about the new marketing campaigns. “We can’t afford any more changes to the gene pool.”

But while the Amarillio Tuesday event offers a chance for extending cultural awareness, Barnes and Huck, want no part of it. Theirs is an America lost in a relative time warp, perpetuated by shallow television shows and misconceptions about the cultural makeup of the country.  Unfortunately, they are not alone.

They mirror the divisions among an increasingly weary public, one that a recent poll highlighted as being “untrusting” of not just neighbors, but everyone not like them. This is a dangerous time for the USA; if this trend continues, the very social fabric of the nation is at stake. It is as if the once great economic and military power is collapsing in on itself, in fear and mistrust. In this climate, corruption has increased, and class division has substantially widened.

My purpose in writing this “hypothetical news article” is to point out the condition of the country, reflecting on it through the very American “Black Friday/Post Thanksgiving Sales” phenomenon. I welcome your comments, but only if  you have read the entire piece, and understand the biting humor.

6 responses to “Amarillo Tuesday”

  1. I always find your posts interesting, but find this reoccurring blame on southerners for resisting change and seemingly, being in your mind, antisocial or even racists, for wanting things to remain the same. I do admit that there are people like that, I have met a few myself. But southerners as a whole are much more welcoming and accepting. Although the last few years have strained that to a degree, it is not so much that it is something that they always had and is just coming to the forefront, it is more to the point of people accusing them of being racists and haters, that this posture is in a good part defensive. I sometimes find myself on the defensive simply because I live in the south and in the minds of many, that makes me racist. They never stop to question, where are you originally from, New Mexico, and what do you think of other races, my family is so intermingled that genetically we probably have them all in our genes. Funny thing is that I had an ex daughter in law that is from Penn. and is one of the most racist people I have ever met, and she looks down on southern people as well. This is America, and we used to pride ourselves in being such a country that the whole world longed to come here. There is indeed an increasingly wide class division in this country, and sadly, there is an even wider racial division that is being widened daily. A lot of it is intentional, by those that profit from the disruption either with money, or fame.
    Our cultural makeup has always been diverse, and yet many in the north are totally ignorant of the wars that were fought, and lands bought as well as lands ceded in those wars. I find the ignorance of those who assume that those who want to claim that those of Spanish, or Latin heritage have some higher claim to this country because part of it at one time belonged to Mexico. They ignore the fact that those same people are immigrants in Mexico, all of Central America, as well as South America. They immigrated from Europe about the same time as people from England, Germany, or Sweden did.
    Please forgive me as I know that this is denigrating into a lecture and that was not my intent. I do feel in reading your posts that you feel people from the South are not worthy in some way of being appreciated and find this curious. As for Amarillo, it’s Tex-Mex heritage and it’s history as a cattle town make it a great place to visit!

    • I have all of the time I have posted- until very recently- lived in the south, in a southern area of West Virginia with a rich southern heritage that does not necessarily include NASCAR, rednecks, and white trash. I love Southern food, southern accents, and Southerners themselves.

      In fact, it is my experience that white trash, rednecks, and beer-drinking NASCAR addicts reside all over the USA. I have had my share of experiences living in the Midwest and parts of the North.

      My family didn’t fight for the South or North, they fought for independence from a cruel empire across The Pond. Please understand that I am writing from the perspective of one who knows both worlds…I try to write to expose the truth, and sometimes that truth isn’t pleasant.

      By the way, “Walnut Grove” is the name of the town in Little House on The Prairie.

      Amarillo is yellow in Espanol.

      I am making fun of the expanding commercialism associated with “Thanksgiving….” Talk with someone from somewhere else- the USA looks and sounds like a selfish materialist society compared to many places. I am saying this should not be.

      Finally, reading your reply, I believe you have seriously misunderstood me. I get that all the time in the USA. That fear and untrusting thing, the signs of a country in social and spiritual decline.

      And again, let me say it again, this whole piece is satire. Satire.

      • Yes, I probably did, I admit that Satire and I are not very good companions. Forgive for the misunderstanding. Walnut Grove is also a small community in the Ozarks of Arkansas as well as being the name of the town in Little House on the Prairie! My family fought in the war for Independence as well, Hooten’s are found in almost all the wars in the history of this country, as well as participating in the original tea party. I do apologize again for misunderstanding the theme of your satire. Funny though that you would associate NASCAR which originated in the south with bootlegging, as coming from the Midwest.

  2. I looked at this piece and saw the word, “Amarillo,” and for pete’s sake, I know my Spanish so thought you were playing with the color words, and “negro” is the color word for Black as in “Viernes Negro” (Black Friday). I would assume anyone bigoted and as outspoken as what you were pretending to be, would not be posting on wordpress but have a White Supremacy group going! I am smiling at your satire and am glad that you were able to roll with the comment, too!

    • Amarillo is one of those words that can sound silly. Terry Scott Taylor, the musician and satirist, once created a band (The Swirling Eddies) and called himself “Amarillo Eddie.” I admit that name crossed my mind……

  3. I hope everyone visiting your posts would know you are a man of faith and not going to be racist! This is strange if someone would comment and not read other posts, to check them out, then comment… Just saying that taking this seriously would be a mistake! Smiles, Robin

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