Let’s all go to the leeching

there’s something Medieval about our healthcare system when we shoot flu-free patients with a “flu vaccine” made from…the flu. It is about as practical as herding sheep with a salad shooter…a hit and miss proposition. Perhaps if we just go full circle, and adopt original Middle Age techniques, we could cure a whole lot of stuff…

By using leeches to cure the sick…

Ah yes, that ever popular practice of securing live leeches on the body of an ill patient to “cleanse the blood.” A practice, which I have read, is “coming back” into vogue in some circles of the world. After all, if it worked for Theodoric of York, it can surely work for us…


and in today’s lemming-like society, we could shove a whole group of (insert favorite profession here) + s  into a line and “mass leech” every one, saving significant time and money, and control the unwieldy masses.

OR, just like a neurosurgeon, chiropractor, herbologist, or a family doctor, the leechologist could provide a service to the community- – providing bloodletting services, freeing the body from toxic wastes, lifting the spirits, and providing preventative medical techniques to ward off consumption.

Either way, we will be making a giant step forward while utilizing the same rationalization to solve medical issues. And since we know leeching techniques do work…I mean look at how maize is leeching the soil around the world…we could do away with vaccines completely since we know that leeching cleans the blood, thereby healing  the body. It might even be employed to treat diabetes, plaque build-up within the arteries, and heart surgery. Think of  the medical advances that could come  from utilizing modern leeching techniques! And…it will make certain poor, jungle infested countries rich! What a brilliant, global idea!

So let’s take the initiative and “tell your doctor about leeching.” You’ll be glad you did….

(Photo Credit: NBC, Saturday Night Live, starring Steve Martin as “Theodoric of York”), 3/18/1978

About thelostkerryman

Thelostkerryman is an author, and entrepreneur, living in the forests of a consistently confused country. Here in this hill country, hurling doesn't usually involve a hurley; store-made soda bread has the consistency of a sea sponge; and Kerrygold butter has finally found a permanent place on the grocery shelves everywhere. His blogs are an account of his adventures, thoughts, eclectic -and eccentric- ramblings, random or insightful poetry, humor and non-humor, pictures (photos), video, essays, fiction, poetic fiction, nonfiction, drama, and writing he has not classified in the description above. All of his posts from thelostkerryman.wordpress.com, talesinastrangerstrangerland@wordpress.com, everydayasadisciple@wordpress.com, and mrandmrsboring.wordpress.com are copywrited according to international copywrite law.
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3 Responses to Let’s all go to the leeching

  1. Several years back, I heard that America and New Zealand are the only countries with prescription drug ads on tv. Your ‘ask your doctor’ line reminded me of that! It’s a bit ludicrous to think that couch potatoes can go to medical professionals and tell them what medicine we need. You went to school for 10 years? Well I saw a commercial during Maury!

    • Yes, I did do that on purpose…because of the ads. On the other hand, New Zealand’s “Safety first” TV ads are brilliant…like the “fruity bars” commercial…they lure you in and then WHAM hit you with the safety message.

  2. gimpet says:

    Leeches are useful little blighters for bringing blood flow back to a compromised limb, following re-attachement surgery or vascular surgery. Maggots are also in vogue–they clean up dirty wounds by eating the sludge and debris. Ready to dive into medicine yet?

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