if you have seen a kid, with fingers flying across an iphone/ipad/electronic-thing, he or she is likely playing flappy bird. not flippy bird, which in my younger days meant a not-very-nice-person told you to perform an anatomically impossible act upon your own person. no, flappy bird is a video game as addicting as Donkey Kong and looks as retro. It should be called Retro Bird or maybe even Silent Bird. No child addicted to flappy bird will assail you with flappy lipped conversation…but it can produce a flabby bird, which might materialize in pseudo-human form after several weeks of ingesting massive amounts of Pringles, Doritos, Tayto Couch Invasions, pizza, and other carbo-enriched goodies while marathoning flappy bird rounds 1 through 9,000.
now i am not an addictive personality. yes, it is true that there were times in the past when a pint of the world’s best potato salad lured me into a room and made me turn the channel on the television, but that was in my youth. now, i am a grown up. i have no time for addictive behavior. and no time for flappy bird.
what i do have time for is a time to listen to one who needs compassion. unless he or she is addicted to games like flappy bird. then, it is like trying to convert a hashtag-addict to coherant communication. yes, flappy bird is so prevelent, so obnoxiously interrupting…that it rivals incessant Beiber coverage for mindless torture and serial hashtagging.
which brings me to hashtags. if i have to listen to another “hashtag this” or “hashtag that” i may just retire to a nice little island off the coast of Bolivia and ignore the rest of Tweetland. I am so sick of Twitter. I don’t tweet, I talk. Real language. Like CUH-MYUN-I-CAY-SHUN. yeah. Like GET A LIFE. If you are tweeting your life away, get rid of your hashtags and get off your backside and go communicate to the people around you instead of ignoring them. We would all be a whole lot better off. oh…and…turn off that irritating flappy bird.
Flappy Bird Update (2/10/14): Flappy Bird, aged less than one year, died of natural causes today when his creator pulled the plug. Flappy Bird is survived by one uncle, Donkey Kong, one grandfather, Pac Man, and grandmother, Missus Pac Man, and several cousins. A mental cremation ceremony replaced the common burial. No flowers will be accepted at this time.