if you have not had enough futbol exposure, then you have not been watching television in a country where your team has played any number of minutes in the World Cup. my favorite teams (including my least favorite) have all failed the test. and although i do not watch much television, it does appear that the same subjects run over and over again on the sporting networks….the world cup (including highlights of highlights from the previous week)…and now LeBron James (on ESPN, or should I say NBA-N). such passionate broadcast rehashing leaves me dazed, confused, and feeling like a slug…or maybe…even..a snail.
it is the newest international sensation to hit the sporting world. In a world where couch racers try to defy gravity by allowing themselves to be shoved off the top of a ridgetop, the new sporting craze, snail racing, has all the mental acuity of a comatose frog. it moves with the finesse of a turtle race (nothing against turtles, but I am too young and impatient to wait for the results), the lightning quickness of a paint drying seminar, and all the humor of a congressional amendment to amend the amendment. it requires the participants to be pointed in the general direction they are to slime their way into history…leaving beautiful silvery glistening across the concrete racing grounds. and, sometimes, participants stray off this majestic racecourse into a greenway. it is, in short, about as predictable as a rabbit dancing contest.
but somehow this new craze has not attracted the same attention as couch racers, cheese rolling contestants, or chicken pull managers. no vast sporting network…like the one that regularly shows highlights of lacrosse teams such as the Lizards (and i am not making this up) taking on their rivals…has chosen to take on snail racing. perhaps it is because americans…and many “westerners” do not appreciate the nuances of the sport. perhaps, it takes a more cultured audience, a more sophisticated kind of audience.
we shall see. in the meantime, i will follow the price of escargot and see if the increase in snails racing is driving up the cost of the delicacy. just don’t be surprised…if one day, as you are clicking through the channels/surfing you tube/watching live streaming…if you happen to see two large snail contestants sliming their way across a cement or concrete floor…while hundreds of participants urge them on…