Donut Love, Not Drama


The “Capital Rotunda” is not a very nice sounding name, and, I believe, should be changed to something less inflammatory, like The “Round-looking Room.” I mean, “rotunda,” sounds so prejudiced, like you are tearing down their self-esteem. It makes me embarrassed for the capital building. And we just don’t need that kind of anti-extra large verbage anymore.

I thought we grew up waaayy more than that. I mean, look, it’s the twenty first century. We have robot love, tolerance for little people, and rights for canines.

If you cannot be more tolerant, you should just go off to Greenland or somewheres. Leave us tolerant people alone. We have issues to champion and have no time for petty little arguments over what is right and what is wrong. I mean, you’d think we actually had to think about life for an hour or two instead of playing games until 3 am like most normal people.

So, when your loser friend came by and told me that I looked like some kind of Pillsbury DoughGirl, I was offended. First, it was clearly retro of you, and so retro I cannot deal with it. Yeeaaah. So, why don’t you retro someone else with your drama? And, by the way, if I want to take selifes with my cream cheese sandwich and post them to instagram, I have every right to make myself look like a creep. Anyone can do that, We have freedom of speech. 

Second, and this makes me the maddest, why a DoughGirl? What is a DougGirl? Like anyone uses Pillsbury anymore. Haven’t you ever heard of Krispy Kreme? They are the double latte of the donut world! They deserve your respect. I mean, if you do want to diss me, why don’t you call me “Krispy Kreme,” or “Crueller?” That’s what I eat, not this Pillsbury whatever. what is a “Pillsbury Doughboy” anyway? is it something from Tim Horton’s? Cause I don’t speak Canadian.

You have a problem with that? I bet you and your friends eat dog poop donuts, like those Bunny Bread bakery things that taste like they’re a hundred years old. Yeeaaah.

So, why don’t you just back off on my blog, girls, and take your doritos and guacamole and go back to middle school where you belong because I am what I am and if I want to wear a XXXXXL and stuff my face with creme filled, then you will just have to visit me when they put me inside that piano box on the last day. Cause I’m an American and I will eat whatever I want. And I like the taste of Red Dye Number 40 and Blue Lake # 2. So, if I wanna eat High Fructose Corn Syrup cause I don’t want to chew that sawdust crap they call “Whole Wheat,” then why can’t I? It’s a free world. You can’t make me eat something called Whole wheat. Or vegetables and fruit. Who eats that crap anyway?

Besides, the doctor is stupid. So, I got diabetes from eating too many donuts and white rice. White rice? Is he racist or something? the high fructose corn syrup is rotting my brain- that’s what he says. i really don’t believe him, my brain is fine, I can add, subtract, multiply, and divide. I can trig and logorhythm. he’s just prejudiced against people who drive with blurry vision. really, that is so retard.  

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About thelostkerryman

Thelostkerryman is an author, and entrepreneur- this side of Tir Na N'Og- living in the forests of a consistently confused country. Here in this hill country, hurling doesn't usually involve a hurley, store-made soda bread resembles an inedible Irish megalith, and Kerrygold is only found hidden like a luck penny in the belly of Kroger. His blogs are an account of his adventures, thoughts, eclectic -and eccentric- ramblings, random or insightful poetry, humor and non-humor, pictures (photos), video, essays, fiction, poetic fiction, nonfiction, drama, and writing he has not classified in the description above. All of his posts from thelostkerryman.wordpress.com, talesinastrangerstrangerland@wordpress.com, everydayasadisciple@wordpress.com, and mrandmrsboring.wordpress.com are copywrited according to international copywrite law.
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2 Responses to Donut Love, Not Drama

  1. reocochran says:

    I am chuckling about selfies with cream cheese sandwich and being called Pillsbury Doughboy, I love this post! It is playful and you are not really in a ‘rant’ which it started out like it may be serious. I sometimes don’t get jokes until way-y later! Ha ha!

  2. reocochran says:

    I am a big donut fan, by the way!!

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