looking up…not down

when the mud is so thick

and the world is so cold

look to the heavens

to that city of Gold,

your reward awaits you

for all those long nights

you prayed for a miracle

for wrongs to become rights,

for all those long seasons

when hope kept you from fear

and you walked in the grey-light

your angels were there near,

for God has been watching,

indeed, God has been true,

so keep your eyes to the heavens

until God sees you through.

 

 

 

 

 

 

the silence is shattered- looking into the eyes of the graying

the silence speaks volumes

the gray is something inside you, not really an exterior feature. i have seen gray-eyes, there is a certain void in them. an oncologist, a psychologist – whatever the label- needs no tests to prove what the mind can gather from a fraction of a glance in the right direction. when a hope is lost, another cracked plate crumbles, falls to the floor. the silence mutters, the silence matters. but the silence is shattered.

i once built a monstrosity out of lego bricks and flew them around on a pie plate in the living room. i was a child, and i thought freedom existed in more planes than what i was told in school. the horizons glowed golden, burnished bronze, burned in hues no earthly name could decipher…and did not decay, and did not gray. there was no gray world, no gray mind. no “i cannot do that today or any day.” the gray was safely buried inside the dimmed eyes of those who had precious little left. i was not one of them, nor would I ever reach their shore.

but the world would like to sandwich you into that place, at a certain age. if it was hazy, i could understand. but it isn’t. it is not subtle. there is a time when you find a stare means something much less than it did the day before, the week before, or even the month before. lines were never mentioned in a list of wonderful things, and the more gravity pulls, the more likely the world turns away. i have seen the sad faces of the lost and few, the bitter and withdrawn, the ones settling into the gray. it doesn’t frighten me as much as anger me. and the silence is shattered.

it wasn’t so long ago i had more faith in machines, and even men and women. the kind who greet you in the morning, pass by you at the grocery, wave hello as you drive past. but i am noticing fewer, as my days grow. fewer and fewer. and even some of them have gone gray in their twenties- gray in heart, gray in mind; a world nailed shut into a box without hope. something is wrong with their prayers…they are not verbal, not even gestured anymore.

it is not for me to say i will not pass this way again…or any way. nor to sense the weight of sadness that runs like seeping tears from the face of the aging. i remain awake,  and my days a scribbling yet. no chapter end, no intermission, no annotation in another’s playground.

no matter what comes, love continues, faith continues, and even hope. for without hope, there is nothing. no passion for even breathing. i have seen too many crawl their way in the alleyways of gray, to huddle in the evening of another spent-out warm decay. and i wonder…how so many dim the lights until nothing moves them, not even the breeze that comes to kiss them goodnight.

the silence is shattered, but i will look to the one who gives peace in the silence…and go on another night, knowing that there is more than what is inside their box, inside their game, and i will live it to the fullest, until  the wind of God brings me home again.

your white flowers wait for you

To my unknown love, wherever she is

 

your white flowers wait for you

among common leaves.

 

did you know they would be there for you

beneath the wild awakening trees?

 

my boots hurt my feet

while walking this path

to see your flowers 

majestic white wonder

a silent witness of hope and faith

 

and i may wait for a long, long time

but the flowers won’t wait forever.

 

 

 

 

 

flowers for My Dream

these flowers are for you, My Dream…wherever and whoever you are…

i cherish their beauty, their fragrance, their uniqueness.

and while i wait…hoping we will meet…i will enjoy the wildflowers our Father has sown across the face of the earth…

 

and wait for real love…the flower that always blooms….

it is looking brighter all the time

in spite of what my bank account says…in spite of what negative people say…in spite of business forecasts…in spite of being verbally assaulted by whiners, complainers, murmurers, backbiters…in spite of…

it is looking brighter all the time…

 

the waters may be murky, but at least the sun is shining…

so, hope remains

 

I’ve counted up the cost, and you are worth it

“I’ve counted up the cost, and you are worth it.”

It’s a line from an Irish band, Rend Collective Experiment. It’s also a thought that has been tugging at my soul tonight. As I sit here alone, I am thankful for the place God has allowed me to be, even if it is not what I imagine as ideal. There has been a cost to following after Christ, to live life deliberately, to live on the edge…to be ready, at a moment’s notice, to walk in faith…

Many of you will have no idea what I mean. Let me fill you in….

Imagine you are at WalMart and you see a haggard woman  sitting on a bench across from the checkout lanes. She has a saddened look on her face, about to cry, and you think about how sad this picture is….when, you have an unmistakable urge, against your own will, to go talk with the lady.

“But I don’t talk to strangers. After all, that’s “stranger danger!”

But that may not be the way the living God works. You think that someone is responsible for this poor lady? Maybe…but, when God changes your direction, the only thing you can do is obey. If you do, you will feel great…

So, you sit down next to the haggard woman. She is homeless. She stepped into walMart because the heat is on and it comes out near the bench.

It’s not what you would be thinking about- of course. You are still wondering…if all the Duck Dynasty shirts are really sold out…thinking…about the sexiest cologne or perfume in that aisle near the soap…trying to recall…what the dog needs…

No, you wouldn’t naturally think of the haggard lady…unless you have taken up the cross. Once you take up the cross and try to live like Jesus lived, so much changes, you see the love of God working through you changing lives. And that is way more awesome than any religion…after all, when was the last time you actually affected someone’s life drastically, changed by  compassion?

With God’s vision of the world, faith takes over…

But there is a cost. You will be persecuted. I have. You may lose your job because someone lies, cheats, smears your innocence. You may lose your husband or wife because they would rather live life selfishly. You may go hungry one night…or one day…you may be homeless…but living life abundantly in God means that you are trusting the one who has the power to give you any job, change any circumstance, and break through the evil in the world to bring you peace and restoration.

I can attest to this personally, but that is for a testimony out there…in the world where the haggard woman sits…where the lonely man cries alone in his car…where the little girl woke up this morning cold and in a house with colder hearts…where so many live in hopelessness…unaware of the outrageous grace of a gentle but all powerful loving God…

i come to the garden alone

i have a vision of life, into mid summer, stooping to hoe around a row of cucumbers or leeks…the sandy-brown soil warm and tender on my feet, planted in a garden in the backyard of a little home. Perhaps it is ideal, but anything ideal is worth fighting for, and I can picture my evenings, long after a day’s work and the dinner plates have been put away…

…and I come back to this picture because it is the future I long for, not the past. Too many of us live in the past. What pain enveloped you or me is past; if God sees us through the eyes of the present, why do we look backward? Many of us are our own worst enemies- this should not be so. Stop beating yourself up for all your failures, and repent at the cross. There you take up that cross but are freed from the weight of it.

Tomorrow is too soon to live in sadness or regret late into the night. So, you’re alone. So, you don’t feel loved. Pour out your heart to God. Why do you hold back? God is the only one that can move the world, to change the world for you.

So, whether I am alone or not, life is more than just moments to regret, sorrows to drink, and pain that never seems to fade. No, for you, if you are suffering, it is too precious still- too precious still- for you to think of giving up.

I have been praying for one of you- thinking of you. You are pregnant, not married- and you think everything but your baby girl is a mess. I don’t know who the father is, but you are depressed, so I am assuming he wants no part of the baby’s or your future.

You have no idea I am praying for you, you think you treated me too badly for me to be concerned, but you are wrong. Yes, it has been several years since I was your teacher, but God brought you back to my remembrance because I am also a warrior, a praying man, one who holds onto the hope that never dies. And my prayer is that you find that too…even one of your friends told you that God has a purpose for you.

Life is a faith journey. Embrace the vision of what God desires for your heart. He created you and loves you…and all good things are from Him. He wants to take you from your situation and place you in the place He wants you, where you will be happy and live a full life.

“I am come that your might have Life, and that (life) more abundantly.” -Jesus Christ

So…after 19 years, it reappears

So…after 19 years, it reappears. No, I’m not talking about the cicada. I’m talking about my early ’90’s dream job.

It was not the best of times, and not the worst of times, but it wasn’t the time to act on my own and that grieved me for some time afterward. When you are married and you have agreed to make decisions together, it sometimes works that way….or, I should say, doesn’t work at all. Struggles of will. Struggles of reality versus selfishness. Unfortunately, selfishness won that day. It also was a prelude to her actions later; suffice to say, I am now a single man, though not of my initial choosing.

And after all that time passed, I rarely thought of that incredible missed opportunity. After all, we must forgive if we desire to live healthy lives.

So…yesterday, I was online and…there she was again, my missed opportunity. Silence for 19 years, then suddenly, when I myself am in position to pursue it, it becomes a possibility. Is it a miracle? Is it a foreshadowing? Or, has my path gone beyond this now?

A detour on the way to destiny

I’ve heard enough preachers in my day to do a full two hour stand-up routine with about every variety and denomination featured. I’ve heard some great phrases, one liners, and simple truths in those sermons too. I’ve boogied for Jesus with the grooviest dudes in Hackensack, and have sung a nasal chorus with Brother Moses the cross-eyed preacher, in a building so deep in the black hole of Nowhere, it lacked a sign, a heating source, and indoor plumbing. I’ve watched a deranged man coo at his congregation until one man nearly fell off his seat in laughter. And I have heard such a powerful sermon that throngs of people were affected. I’ve sat under the best, and I’ve heard the worst. You could say I have seen and heard a mighty big crowd of witnesses in my time.

So when I say I have been on that “detour on the way to destiny, more than once,” I am hoping I’m not using another preacher’s sacred sermon phrase. That detour on the way to destiny has caused a lot of problems in life. I have seen it in my own, when I missed a road sign from heaven and ended up in the second best football field ever. Now, I’m heading for that best football field ever. Too bad the fog was too thick to see the gate entrance until now…

But now I have my ticket…

It seems strange to the world, but God does work in such unusual ways that it confuses those who do not know Him. They’ll think that they are running the show, they are destroying their enemy, but in reality…..God will take their evil and twist it around for our good- for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose. The Imposters, and the ones following their own selfish desires….think they have a victory when everything seems to be going their way. But then something impossible will happen- the one following after God’s heart will suddenly come through the mess on the other side with a better job, better living conditions, a better group of people to work with, a better home, a better wife or husband, a better day to day existence, and even a better reputation, You can count on those poor unrepentant sinners scratching their heads till Judgment day…unless something changes.

I’m going through what seems like an impossible situation…but God has already promised me a victory and a new situation better than what I have had before now. If He will do it for me, He will do it for you. You have to “put all your chips on the table,” telling God “you’re all in.” When you move all of your trust over to God, like in poker when you put all those chips on the table, it is no longer you trying figure it out.

Think about it…then go do something about it….and you’ll be blessed…(no, no pastor’s quote there, just yer man from the mountains).

PS I don’t play poker, but when I was younger…

The Impossible

Is it only when we are totally helpless that God brings us victory? And what about the hardships the prophets and early Christians went through? It wasn’t pleasant for them…and it certainly is not pleasant for me right now. So what are we promised? That nothing will separate us from the love of God. So, even if the world slanders us, destroys what we have, or exiles us, God is still there with us, giving us an abundant life.

What a paradox. When hopelessness surrounds us, He is hope. When there are more questions than answers, He is the answer. When it all looks impossible…and no one seems to care, He cares, and He will be there.

We have an advocate who wrote creation’s law, is final judge and jury, and who will not be mocked, even if your accuser mocks you. It is with confidence in Christ that I set my hope on Him, because He is the only one who can do the impossible.

Too many people have told me over the years that “that is impossible,” or “you’re crazy, it will never happen.” I stand alive today as a witness that  those statements are not true. God can take the lowest situation you have ever imagined and change it for the good. He did the impossible in my life before, so now, as the odds increase against me, I pray He will all the more do the impossible- for His glory.

Be aware- God is not mocked. If one or a group try to destroy you as you have placed all your hope in God, there will be a different outcome from what your enemies expect.

Bring it on Lord Jesus!