not everything under the sun has been done yet- like surfing across Antarctica licking lollipops or climbing the world’s tallest ice cream cone with one shoe. and the same can be said for Top Ten lists. sure, you have seen “Top ten sailing vacations,” “Top ten salads of the world,” and “top ten friendly dogs.” but have you seen the top ten stupidest English words and phrases ever invented?
i didn’t think so.
welcome to a trip down semantic lane. please do not trip over your tongue.
10. “You looked!” I have no idea where this stupid reactionary phrase came from but it had to do with a hand gesture…some might suggest it was a sign of white supremacy (like 99% of everything ever invented), but if you looked down at someone giving the OK sign, they derided you with derision (which is the only thing one would deride you with) and ridicule (more on ridicule later). frankly it was about as funny as wetting your pants at the symphony…
9. “Ridicule.” Frankly, they could have chosen a better word to describe the action. It simply sounds like an industrial toilet cleaner or a word for deciphering crossword puzzle blanks. It is much too silly sounding to be taken seriously.
8. “Over the hill.” Not “Over the moon,” which is a grand statement and is just what you need to say in such a situation. but “over the hill?” If I am 50…or 60, am I over the hill? Unlikely, as I would much rather be “down the hill” than over it. it takes too much energy to be over the hill, and I’ve no time for that.
7. “Frankly, my dear.” if you’re thinking Clark Gable in “Gone with the Wind,” you’re thinking along with me. Why would Clark…king of the tactless characters of the world when everything was in Black and White….use the word “frankly,” when he was always frank?
6. “Let me be frank.” Let me be frank about this- Even if Lucy with her beautiful British English used it in a sentence, it would not make this phrase any less ridiculous. If you use “let me be frank” does that mean everything you said before the phrase was insincere…or a lie? no more being frank…as I am no hot dog.
5. “It is what it is.” Excuse me while I gargle with industrial marbles in my mouth. It is what it is…industrial marbles rolling around in my mouth…would mean I had industrial marbles in my mouth. Frankly…no we’re not going there…but why couldn’t we expand the meaning of a word like….ibid…and use that? Much shorter and not a long Wreck-of-the-Edmund-Fitzgerald useless sequence of words employed to say what you just said. Or, as Gaeigle, “Sin e.”
4. “Their poop don’t stink.” Really? Who cares if their poop does stink- do I really want to get into a conversation about feces when I am trying to explain how aloof they are? How about using sophisticated words rather than third grade potty words?
3. “Straight from the horse’s mouth.” Have you ever been close to a horse’s mouth? Or a donkey’s mouth? Well, I have. I had a free range donkey come after me the other day on my agricultural adventures while trying to get photos of a house for a client. That donkey’s breath could knock the buzzard off a ____ wagon, it was so strong. Horses, eating fermenting hay, could use some oral help, so I do not want anything straight from the horse’s mouth…ewww!
2. “Giddy.” When I hear someone say that so and so was giddy, I want to respond in kind with “gosh,” or “gee willickers.” Really folks, how is that still a thing? She was simply giddy with excitement? Yep. And I am five years old again…Giddy up, horsey.
And…Numero Uno. “Woke.” Truly a word created from the depths of semantic hell. How is something “woke” when the people engaging in “woke” are asleep in their own little fantasy world? If she’s so woke that she slept through the lecture at school, I think we have a problem. “Wokeism” sounds like a scientific process to cause the eyes to bulge so no one gets any sleep anymore. I am sure that would happen if I had a steady diet of television “news.” Oh, please don’t woke me when this is over…